Ultrasound Appointment

I am sure many of you would like for me to just get to the point and say the sex of the baby, but your just gonna have to wait, or cheat and scroll down. :) When I scheduled my appointment they sent me to the Palm Bay Community Hospital, which I thought would be nice because it is really close to my house. I should have thought it a little weird though when they said I checked in at the ER, sometimes we just don't see those red flags, ya know! Anyways, the beast of a woman finally called us back, BLADDER FULL....DON'T WANT TO WAIT...HELLLLLLOOOOOOO. She took us down a long hall and barely said two words to us. The whole way Ben and I were both hoping she wouldn't be the one doing our ultrasound. When we got into the room and I realized she would be, I tried to crack some jokes and get her to warm up a bit. She was a little friendlier but was totally confused as to why we were there for our ultrasound as she normally only did ER stuff. I told her that was where they scheduled me and she thought it was because there was something wrong with the baby. I had to explain to her that it was just the normal 18-20 week ultrasound to check the baby, get measurements, and that we were hoping to find out the sex. She was so irritated, it was obvious, but she preceded with the ultrasound getting measurements, etc. The whole time she kept the monitor away so I couldn't see and she wouldn't even talk to us! She kept saying "he" though and so I started thinking if maybe she knew something. As I was totally convinced by my husband that there was no doubt this would be a girl, you can imagine my surprise when I was overcome with a warm feeling that this was a boy! I hadn't even seen the monitor yet, but I knew. Ben was actually positioned where he could see the baby on the monitor the whole time and later told me that he felt like it was a boy the minute he saw the baby. Finally I was able to see the monitor and though the pictures were blurry and the ultrasound tech could not make out the baby's gender, Ben and I both knew. She was eventually able to see between the legs and give us a 90%, no guarantee, that it was a boy. It is very strange because I had warmed up to the idea of having a little girl even though I initially wanted another boy. But I had gotten so many "girl" responses that I was excited maybe it would be a girl. Though I can remember telling people and thinking, "Ya know I just want to hear it is a girl so I can go and buy a dress and then if it turns out to be a boy I really won't care, I just want to buy a little girls outfit!" LOL But immediately I was excited to pull out all (5 tubs) of Rylan's baby clothes and sort through them and started remembering all of my favorite outfits I had for him and could use again! When we got to the car it really hit me and I was terrified (thanks to pregnancy hormones I am able to change emotions very quickly.) I started to get nervous and feeling like I would be replacing Rylan and that I loved him so much I had thought having a little girl would make it easier for me to love her too. (Maybe for people having a bunch of kids they don't think about this, but for someone who only wants 2 it is a little weird.) So I started crying thinking I had replaced Rylan and Ben was trying to ask me what was wrong but I really didn't want to say how I was feeling out loud. Finally I just said, "I don't need another boy to love." Ben turned to me and hugged me and said, "Well, maybe this little boy needed you." Bursts of laughter and joy broke through my tears, to which Ben was totally confused, thanks again pregnancy hormones! Ben began laughing too and then asked why I was laughing. I told him he was right and that I knew that was true and that had been the very feeling I had gotten when I first felt in the ultrasound, having not even seen it yet, that it was a boy. I am so very thrilled to have loved Rylan so much that we have the honor and privilege to be parents again and to feel like we are worthy of having another child of God to love and to have love us. I am so glad that things go differently than we may have had planned and to know that Heavenly Father knows us and our needs better than we do. We have actually scheduled to have another ultrasound on the 10th of November (at 20 weeks) so that maybe we can see the baby better and get better pictures. I am going back to where I had my ultrasound with Rylan. They were awesome! I had the doctors office re-order the measurements and due date too just in case the wacko didn't get that right either! She did say that everything looked good though and my doctor will get those results in a few days. Ben and I are both REALLY looking forward to another ultrasound and a much better experience, with better pictures too! :)