So it was about 2 a.m. and I'm lying there in bed thinking, thanks to my pregnancy induced insomnia, about this post. Even more particularly, the actual "writing" aspect of the post. You see there are several blogs that I really enjoy to "read." Not that I don't enjoy all of my friends blogs, because I certainly do. So before I begin to shovel myself in, let me explain. In brief...it all started with Krissy Smith's Post, "It's My Party." It was discussing talents. One of her obvious talents to me is her ability to write, though she was discussing how she didn't feel as though she had "mastered" it or any one particular talent she had. This post really set me off on several thought trains, including my own love for writing and how I will probably never become a master at such a thing myself. But after reading her post I thought, you know you have talents as well, and though you may not master any of them, you can still embrace them for what they are and maybe develop them a little bit. So I came up with this analogy; writing is much like popcorn and chocolate. (and by the way, a few of the biggest downfalls to my writing is my punctuation, grammar, and lack of intelligent word usage,which actually when you think about it, makes me not a very good writer at all!) OK, so Popcorn and chocolate I say! Equally delicious, in my opinion, with different textures and well, depending on your preference, different toppings as well. I would say most people write similar to popcorn. It's yummy, salty, buttery, even cheesy at times. But oh...so...good. And then some write more like chocolate. Smooth, rich, creamy, and certainly mouth watering. Though I would love to give you a rich serving of mouthwatering chocolate, you are going to have to settle for some cheesy popcorn from me..."Yum!" Hope you brought your floss...
I am a glorified 32 week pregnant woman! My waistband has grown, amongst other areas. My hormones are raging...Grrrrrrrr. And I sound much like a bulldog in my attempts to breathe. I could continue with the aches and pains of the third trimester but what has really overcome me in the last few weeks is an overwhelming feeling of anticipation and excitement. I thought for sure in the final months of my delivery countdown I would be in a fear stricken coma. Images of myself curled up in the fetal position cooing and crying seemed more realistic than this joyful jubilee that I am experiencing. And though the birds are chirping all around me and the sun is warmly reaching down to touch my cheeks from above, I still try to remind myself that things are NOT going to be perfect. Being given the gift/curse of OCD I found this little fact out the hard way after bringing home my precious bundle of joy, that we had worked so hard for, the first time. I had such a wonderful pregnancy with Rylan and was so very fortunate to have had a pleasant delivery experience as well. With this pregnancy being very similar, I can't help but wonder, "Is the 'Bringing Home Baby' blues my rightfully given hardship? And then, "Chirp...chirp...chirp." My little bird saves me from my inner id who is telling me to hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. I remind myself that Rylan and I's circumstance was unusal and that things can be different this time. "MMM...the warm sun." The first year of Rylan's life consisted of (long story short):
6 months of painful screaming ( much different than a colic cry) due to a stomach virus and undiagnosed dairy allergy
4 months of dairy allergy discovered, mommy on Paxil, and no dairy for either of us for 2 more months
I must say the moment a mother falls in love with her child is different for everyone. Some it is at conception, some the first time they feel their baby move, and others it is the first time they hold their baby in their arms. For me it was the first time I was able to come out of "survival mode." When we both stopped crying, nobody was in pain anymore, and my baby could finally smile. I look back now and I swear it is much like reading somebody else's story because those days are such a blur to me and I'm not sure how we actually survived them. Having said that, to better explain my "fear stricken coma" envisions, I have a plan of action this go round which includes a month off of dairy PRIOR to 'Bringing Home Baby!' LOL I am also planning not to plan, and for me, this is a really big deal. I just realize now, I'm not super mom, and though I think many of my friends are, I just can't compare myself. I know that my house will fall apart and so will I when it does. I know I may not hop in my car and go anywhere for a few months out of pure anxiety. And I know that it will take a little while for me to adjust to having a baby again. But I also know that through my mothering trials I have become a much better person. I am aware of my strengths and weaknesses now more than ever and I am just trying my best to build or overcome them. I love being pregnant and I LOVE being a mother. I love the fact that I am able to be given this opportunity again and am so grateful to have a loving husband, a wonderful family, and precious friends to share it all with.
With that said...
It's time for me to go to bed
or at least lay down my weary head
though I may not actually get any sleep
I'll toss and turn as my sciatic nerve screams
I may even get up 3 or 4 times to pee
and then drink more water because I am so thirsty
turn on the light and do some Sudoku
or just lay there again making analagies out of food
Either way my pillow still calls
I hope you all enjoyed the popcorn
Goodnight to you all!
Newborn Photo Shoot
6 years ago